








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 228 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 364 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 98 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 29 matches | ||
| Faceit | 11 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 5 matches | ||
| Wingman | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Basalt | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 13 different maps





Our logs show 18 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




14 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
6601 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 10,896 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2303 | 21% |
| Smokes | 3063 | 28% |
| HE Grenades | 2989 | 27% |
| Molotovs | 2541 | 23% |
Our logs show you have wasted $2,369,467 of utility $200 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 253 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Zachary | 53% | 197 |
| #2 | Table Sucker | 52% | 202 |
| #3 | Cuckerman | 51% | 65 |
| #4 | ♿︎ Matthias #FixTF2 | 51% | 140 |
| #5 | Asian steppie | 40% | 35 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Zachary | 53% | 197 |
| #2 | Table Sucker | 52% | 202 |
| #3 | Cuckerman | 51% | 65 |
| #4 | ♿︎ Matthias #FixTF2 | 51% | 140 |
| #5 | Asian steppie | 40% | 35 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Table Sucker | 15 | 0.0036 |
| #2 | Zachary | 8 | 0.0020 |
| #3 | ♿︎ Matthias #FixTF2 | 6 | 0.0021 |
| #4 | Cuckerman | 5 | 0.0036 |
| #5 | Asian steppie | 4 | 0.0052 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Zachary | 640 | 0.16 | 15 min |
| #2 | Table Sucker | 542 | 0.13 | 14 min |
| #3 | ♿︎ Matthias #FixTF2 | 484 | 0.17 | 11 min |
| #4 | Cuckerman | 252 | 0.18 | 8 min |
| #5 | Asian steppie | 112 | 0.15 | 3 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Cuckerman | +3.34 | 84 | 60 |
| #2 | nässä | +1.34 | 66 | 51 |
| #3 | Zachary | +1.23 | 63 | 66 |
| #4 | Table Sucker | +0.11 | 65 | 48 |
| #5 | ♿︎ Matthias #FixTF2 | -1.59 | 56 | 52 |





