








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 17 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 169 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 32 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 3 matches | ||
| Faceit | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Train | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 10 different maps





Our logs show 2 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




17 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1890 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 6,987 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1552 | 22% |
| Smokes | 1818 | 26% |
| HE Grenades | 1908 | 27% |
| Molotovs | 1709 | 24% |
Our logs show you have wasted $509,238 of utility $92 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 493 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Zachary | 54% | 90 |
| #2 | Cuckerman | 53% | 123 |
| #3 | nässä | 52% | 202 |
| #4 | ♿︎ Matthias #FixTF2 | 46% | 59 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Zachary | 54% | 90 |
| #2 | Cuckerman | 53% | 123 |
| #3 | nässä | 52% | 202 |
| #4 | ♿︎ Matthias #FixTF2 | 46% | 59 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | nässä | 8 | 0.0019 |
| #2 | Cuckerman | 6 | 0.0024 |
| #3 | Zachary | 5 | 0.0026 |
| #4 | ♿︎ Matthias #FixTF2 | 2 | 0.0016 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Cuckerman | 451 | 0.18 | 13 min |
| #2 | Zachary | 298 | 0.15 | 7 min |
| #3 | nässä | 240 | 0.06 | 6 min |
| #4 | ♿︎ Matthias #FixTF2 | 213 | 0.17 | 5 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Cuckerman | +3.89 | 85 | 58 |
| #2 | Zachary | +1.42 | 60 | 68 |
| #3 | nässä | +1.07 | 65 | 51 |
| #4 | Table Sucker | -0.20 | 65 | 47 |
| #5 | ♿︎ Matthias #FixTF2 | -2.08 | 52 | 51 |





