








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 234 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 109 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 8 different maps





Our logs show 13 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




25 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1383 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 4,535 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1154 | 25% |
| Smokes | 1298 | 29% |
| HE Grenades | 1084 | 24% |
| Molotovs | 999 | 22% |
Our logs show you have wasted $491,540 of utility $175 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 809 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | DudeStrude | 12 | 0.0155 |
| #2 | cmz | 5 | 0.0038 |
| #3 | Okka | 3 | 0.0073 |
| #4 | Tob | 2 | 0.0043 |
| #5 | Der Elastische Hosenbund | 1 | 0.0035 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | cmz | 169 | 0.13 | 3 min |
| #2 | DudeStrude | 79 | 0.10 | 2 min |
| #3 | Tob | 60 | 0.13 | 1 min |
| #4 | G2_Jamokl | 31 | 0.04 | 1 min |
| #5 | Okka | 29 | 0.07 | 0 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | evil water | +1.95 | 76 | 62 |
| #2 | G2_Jamokl | +1.41 | 37 | 43 |
| #3 | cmz | -0.12 | 61 | 55 |
| #4 | DudeStrude | -0.17 | 50 | 52 |
| #5 | McFlurpin | -0.43 | 47 | 46 |





