








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 414 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 151 matches | ||
| Wingman | 12 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Office | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 13 different maps





Our logs show 10 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




3 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1374 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 4,028 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 462 | 11% |
| Smokes | 1512 | 38% |
| HE Grenades | 792 | 20% |
| Molotovs | 1262 | 31% |
Our logs show you have wasted $661,612 of utility $173 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 48 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | fenfey | 74% | 19 |
| #2 | evil water | 58% | 36 |
| #3 | cmz | 53% | 151 |
| #4 | Okka | 52% | 23 |
| #5 | Der Elastische Hosenbund | 52% | 79 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | cmz | 12 | 0.0037 |
| #2 | evil water | 9 | 0.0119 |
| #3 | Der Elastische Hosenbund | 3 | 0.0018 |
| #4 | Okka | 1 | 0.0021 |
| #5 | fenfey | 1 | 0.0027 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | cmz | 329 | 0.10 | 7 min |
| #2 | evil water | 120 | 0.16 | 3 min |
| #3 | Der Elastische Hosenbund | 32 | 0.02 | 1 min |
| #4 | fenfey | 21 | 0.06 | 1 min |
| #5 | andree | 19 | 0.07 | 0 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | evil water | +1.60 | 77 | 60 |
| #2 | G2_Jamokl | +1.09 | 34 | 45 |
| #3 | cmz | +0.64 | 65 | 59 |
| #4 | Der Elastische Hosenbund | -0.02 | 54 | 36 |
| #5 | andree | -0.10 | 52 | 30 |





