








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 342 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 201 matches | ||
| Faceit | 150 matches | ||
| Wingman | 27 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 18 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 13 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 12 different maps





Our logs show 80 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




30 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2929 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 13,126 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2924 | 22% |
| Smokes | 2977 | 23% |
| HE Grenades | 4366 | 33% |
| Molotovs | 2859 | 22% |
Our logs show you have wasted $2,242,060 of utility $225 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 11 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ecLipse | 62% | 42 |
| #2 | maxwin | 54% | 46 |
| #3 | flying power @hofer | 52% | 174 |
| #4 | marc | 51% | 96 |
| #5 | Barrack_Obama | 51% | 273 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #8 | Fab | 50% | 317 |
| #9 | Major Francis Monogram | 45% | 73 |
| #10 | Weixl | 44% | 25 |
| #11 | xXKuchenParkXx | 40% | 25 |
| #12 | White Stevi | 36% | 45 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Fab | 19 | 0.0028 |
| #2 | Barrack_Obama | 15 | 0.0025 |
| #3 | flying power @hofer | 14 | 0.0037 |
| #4 | ecLipse | 8 | 0.0093 |
| #5 | marc | 7 | 0.0035 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Barrack_Obama | 798 | 0.14 | 22 min |
| #2 | Fab | 501 | 0.07 | 13 min |
| #3 | flying power @hofer | 398 | 0.11 | 10 min |
| #4 | marc | 250 | 0.13 | 5 min |
| #5 | ecLipse | 128 | 0.15 | 4 min |





