








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 1433 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 281 matches | ||
| Faceit | 235 matches | ||
| Wingman | 39 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 21 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 13 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Agency | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 17 different maps





Our logs show 73 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




28 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
5937 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 26,122 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 6826 | 26% |
| Smokes | 6166 | 24% |
| HE Grenades | 8305 | 32% |
| Molotovs | 4825 | 18% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,921,204 of utility $138 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 389 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #7 | Tinju | 51% | 87 |
| #8 | maxwin | 50% | 88 |
| #9 | AFE | 49% | 91 |
| #10 | Major Francis Monogram | 47% | 59 |
| #11 | Weixl | 41% | 51 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | flying power @hofer | 24 | 0.0033 |
| #2 | jutt | 21 | 0.0036 |
| #3 | Fab | 18 | 0.0018 |
| #4 | marc | 12 | 0.0041 |
| #5 | ecLipse | 10 | 0.0059 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | flying power @hofer | 785 | 0.11 | 19 min |
| #2 | Fab | 771 | 0.08 | 22 min |
| #3 | jutt | 589 | 0.10 | 14 min |
| #4 | marc | 384 | 0.13 | 8 min |
| #5 | AFE | 366 | 0.18 | 8 min |





