








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 503 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 194 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 81 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 58 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 40 matches | ||
| Wingman | 13 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 12 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 4 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 10 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




271 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
6121 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 3,378 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1484 | 44% |
| Smokes | 354 | 10% |
| HE Grenades | 1491 | 44% |
| Molotovs | 49 | 1% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,677,944 of utility $186 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 1902 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Litty Jamitty | 55% | 44 |
| #2 | emmables | 54% | 24 |
| #3 | Jebadooba | 49% | 161 |
| #4 | Stuff my Oreo | 47% | 100 |
| #5 | Amylase | 46% | 140 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #3 | Jebadooba | 49% | 161 |
| #4 | Stuff my Oreo | 47% | 100 |
| #5 | Amylase | 46% | 140 |
| #6 | guppy_gamer489 | 46% | 119 |
| #7 | Abatukam | 36% | 119 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Abatukam | 80 | 0.0327 |
| #2 | Amylase | 44 | 0.0164 |
| #3 | guppy_gamer489 | 34 | 0.0144 |
| #4 | Jebadooba | 30 | 0.0102 |
| #5 | Stuff my Oreo | 22 | 0.0116 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Abatukam | 481 | 0.20 | 11 min |
| #2 | Jebadooba | 434 | 0.15 | 9 min |
| #3 | Litty Jamitty | 91 | 0.10 | 2 min |
| #4 | emmables | 81 | 0.16 | 2 min |
| #5 | guppy_gamer489 | 75 | 0.03 | 2 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Mark | +2.45 | 89 | 32 |
| #2 | Litty Jamitty | +2.09 | 52 | 57 |
| #3 | guppy_gamer489 | +0.54 | 72 | 24 |
| #4 | Amylase | -0.25 | 72 | 18 |
| #5 | Jebadooba | -0.56 | 49 | 49 |





