








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 15 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September
The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Nuke | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 4 different maps




Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




0 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Your loyalty is impressive.
147 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 488 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 55 | 11% |
| Smokes | 157 | 32% |
| HE Grenades | 108 | 22% |
| Molotovs | 168 | 34% |
Our logs show you have wasted $43,015 of utility $98 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 7 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Skankhunt42 | 50% | 4 |
| #2 | Aztek | 50% | 6 |
| #3 | ItchyFrit | 42% | 19 |
| #4 | JawlessPanda | 42% | 12 |
| #5 | Begs | 41% | 22 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #4 | JawlessPanda | 42% | 12 |
| #5 | Begs | 41% | 22 |
| #6 | Mattron13 | 38% | 16 |
| #7 | testicular manslaughter | 33% | 3 |
| #8 | A Moped | 0% | 2 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Mattron13 | 1 | 0.0031 |
| #2 | JawlessPanda | 1 | 0.0043 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Begs | 91 | 0.21 | 3 min |
| #2 | Mattron13 | 40 | 0.12 | 1 min |
| #3 | JawlessPanda | 21 | 0.09 | 1 min |
| #4 | ItchyFrit | 9 | 0.02 | 0 min |
| #5 | testicular manslaughter | 7 | 0.11 | 0 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Begs | +7.02 | 90 | 74 |
| #2 | JawlessPanda | +1.74 | 54 | 65 |
| #3 | Mattron13 | +0.34 | 47 | 60 |
| #4 | Stashh | -1.43 | 57 | 50 |
| #5 | A Moped | -2.23 | 15 | 26 |





