








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 142 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 74 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 24 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 20 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 14 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 13 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 4 matches | ||
| Wingman | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Basalt | 2 matches | ||
| Faceit | 2 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 16 different maps





Our logs show 8 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




14 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2300 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 10,314 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 4036 | 39% |
| Smokes | 2449 | 24% |
| HE Grenades | 1497 | 15% |
| Molotovs | 2332 | 23% |
Our logs show you have wasted $495,568 of utility $102 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 31 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | VI | 63% | 16 |
| #2 | Mage | 62% | 13 |
| #3 | plumpk1n | 57% | 63 |
| #4 | Illegal Mustard Dealer | 54% | 37 |
| #5 | iadoq | 51% | 51 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Illegal Mustard Dealer | 4 | 0.0050 |
| #2 | slayer | 3 | 0.0035 |
| #3 | Modern Baseball | 2 | 0.0012 |
| #4 | plumpk1n | 2 | 0.0016 |
| #5 | iadoq | 2 | 0.0019 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | plumpk1n | 175 | 0.14 | 4 min |
| #2 | Illegal Mustard Dealer | 152 | 0.19 | 5 min |
| #3 | Modern Baseball | 140 | 0.09 | 3 min |
| #4 | siɱБa | 100 | 0.19 | 3 min |
| #5 | iadoq | 98 | 0.09 | 3 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | VI | +3.06 | 73 | 54 |
| #2 | Mage | +3.06 | 66 | 63 |
| #3 | plumpk1n | +1.66 | 68 | 71 |
| #4 | siɱБa | +1.51 | 82 | 46 |
| #5 | SpectralMaelstrom | +0.85 | 64 | 71 |





