










System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 0 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September
The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.

| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Dust2 | 16 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 12 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 11 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 3 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 13 different maps





Our logs show 2 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




5 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
417 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 1,481 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 412 | 28% |
| Smokes | 398 | 27% |
| HE Grenades | 254 | 17% |
| Molotovs | 417 | 28% |
Our logs show you have wasted $324,254 of utility $203 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 14 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | xShelly | 67% | 6 |
| #2 | Mr. Nice Guy | 63% | 27 |
| #3 | ₷☯𝓁𝒾𝒟.- | 63% | 8 |
| #4 | Neelööö | 57% | 7 |
| #5 | die Putzfrau | 55% | 56 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #9 | Tjörck | 45% | 20 |
| #10 | Janiaros | 40% | 5 |
| #11 | jadosh | 29% | 7 |
| #12 | Fabian | 25% | 4 |
| #13 | JwTwisT | 10% | 10 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Huguette | 5 | 0.0067 |
| #2 | Tjörck | 3 | 0.0071 |
| #3 | die Putzfrau | 1 | 0.0009 |
| #4 | Mr. Nice Guy | 1 | 0.0018 |
| #5 | ₷☯𝓁𝒾𝒟.- | 1 | 0.0059 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Huguette | 169 | 0.23 | 4 min |
| #2 | die Putzfrau | 113 | 0.10 | 3 min |
| #3 | Tjörck | 59 | 0.14 | 1 min |
| #4 | Mr. Nice Guy | 44 | 0.08 | 1 min |
| #5 | ₷☯𝓁𝒾𝒟.- | 30 | 0.18 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | die Putzfrau | +6.51 | 93 | 53 |
| #2 | Mr. Nice Guy | +4.26 | 86 | 56 |
| #3 | xShelly | +3.41 | 76 | 38 |
| #4 | Tjörck | +3.34 | 81 | 63 |
| #5 | jadosh | +2.98 | 68 | 72 |





