








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 13 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September
The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 177 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 2 matches | ||
| Wingman | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Office | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 10 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




7 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2201 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 6,347 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2526 | 40% |
| Smokes | 1938 | 31% |
| HE Grenades | 949 | 15% |
| Molotovs | 934 | 15% |
Our logs show you have wasted $119,758 of utility $29 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 0 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Morgons | 55% | 20 |
| #2 | SH3ZZ | 50% | 14 |
| #3 | deemka | 46% | 13 |
| #4 | LimeGrab | 41% | 32 |
| #5 | Ben. | 38% | 16 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #2 | SH3ZZ | 50% | 14 |
| #3 | deemka | 46% | 13 |
| #4 | LimeGrab | 41% | 32 |
| #5 | Ben. | 38% | 16 |
| #6 | ♕ Semmy | 29% | 14 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | LimeGrab | 4 | 0.0083 |
| #2 | Morgons | 1 | 0.0026 |
| #3 | Ben. | 1 | 0.0031 |
| #4 | SH3ZZ | 1 | 0.0034 |
| #5 | deemka | 1 | 0.0039 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Morgons | 60 | 0.16 | 1 min |
| #2 | LimeGrab | 41 | 0.08 | 1 min |
| #3 | Ben. | 38 | 0.12 | 1 min |
| #4 | deemka | 28 | 0.11 | 1 min |
| #5 | SH3ZZ | 27 | 0.09 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | SH3ZZ | +1.89 | 80 | 61 |
| #2 | s0mmerful | +1.55 | 77 | 48 |
| #3 | ♕ Semmy | +0.24 | 90 | 50 |
| #4 | LimeGrab | -0.10 | 92 | 46 |
| #5 | Ben. | -0.80 | 77 | 50 |





