








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 70 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 49 matches | ||
| Faceit | 12 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 10 different maps





Our logs show 8 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




8 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
955 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 3,150 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 475 | 15% |
| Smokes | 669 | 21% |
| HE Grenades | 1157 | 37% |
| Molotovs | 849 | 27% |
Our logs show you have wasted $461,648 of utility $195 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 10 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #11 | FraChry | 38% | 24 |
| #12 | cl_neko^ | 33% | 21 |
| #13 | Mr Hankey | 33% | 30 |
| #14 | SτØℝm | 30% | 10 |
| #15 | Janiaros | 29% | 7 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | 54m4n | 7 | 0.0035 |
| #2 | Mr Hankey | 3 | 0.0046 |
| #3 | FraChry | 2 | 0.0038 |
| #4 | FraChry | 2 | 0.0110 |
| #5 | Treasli | 1 | 0.0017 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | 54m4n | 164 | 0.08 | 4 min |
| #2 | FraChry | 117 | 0.22 | 3 min |
| #3 | cl_neko^ | 90 | 0.20 | 3 min |
| #4 | Treasli | 65 | 0.11 | 1 min |
| #5 | iTaXx' | 64 | 0.13 | 1 min |





