








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 258 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 113 matches | ||
| Faceit | 39 matches | ||
| Wingman | 16 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Train | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 12 different maps





Our logs show 2 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




15 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2223 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 6,069 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2058 | 34% |
| Smokes | 1289 | 21% |
| HE Grenades | 1411 | 23% |
| Molotovs | 1311 | 22% |
Our logs show you have wasted $657,074 of utility $149 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 4 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Slivz | 59% | 22 |
| #2 | NiCi | 56% | 27 |
| #3 | Arnbold | 49% | 89 |
| #4 | cock master | 47% | 17 |
| #5 | Triggernuts | 47% | 120 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #4 | cock master | 47% | 17 |
| #5 | Triggernuts | 47% | 120 |
| #6 | LalaGtr | 45% | 137 |
| #7 | Lemmiwinks | 38% | 37 |
| #8 | 🌵Deagle Dieter | 30% | 46 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Arnbold | 8 | 0.0044 |
| #2 | Lemmiwinks | 8 | 0.0109 |
| #3 | 🌵Deagle Dieter | 7 | 0.0080 |
| #4 | Triggernuts | 5 | 0.0020 |
| #5 | cock master | 4 | 0.0110 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Triggernuts | 180 | 0.07 | 3 min |
| #2 | 🌵Deagle Dieter | 149 | 0.17 | 3 min |
| #3 | Arnbold | 126 | 0.07 | 2 min |
| #4 | LalaGtr | 122 | 0.04 | 2 min |
| #5 | cock master | 75 | 0.21 | 2 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | cock master | +5.55 | 81 | 70 |
| #2 | Triggernuts | +2.27 | 72 | 45 |
| #3 | NiCi | +0.89 | 52 | 54 |
| #4 | 🌵Deagle Dieter | +0.86 | 64 | 65 |
| #5 | Staplerfahrer Klausi | +0.35 | 75 | 59 |





