








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 205 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 98 matches | ||
| Faceit | 26 matches | ||
| Wingman | 6 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show 8 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




10 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1052 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 4,588 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1101 | 24% |
| Smokes | 1520 | 33% |
| HE Grenades | 1046 | 23% |
| Molotovs | 921 | 20% |
Our logs show you have wasted $491,821 of utility $144 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 17 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Slivz | 53% | 15 |
| #2 | NiCi | 52% | 31 |
| #3 | Staplerfahrer Klausi | 49% | 89 |
| #4 | Triggernuts | 49% | 136 |
| #5 | LalaGtr | 48% | 165 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #2 | NiCi | 52% | 31 |
| #3 | Staplerfahrer Klausi | 49% | 89 |
| #4 | Triggernuts | 49% | 136 |
| #5 | LalaGtr | 48% | 165 |
| #6 | Lemmiwinks | 35% | 37 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Lemmiwinks | 11 | 0.0157 |
| #2 | LalaGtr | 5 | 0.0015 |
| #3 | Triggernuts | 5 | 0.0018 |
| #4 | Staplerfahrer Klausi | 3 | 0.0016 |
| #5 | NiCi | 3 | 0.0053 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Staplerfahrer Klausi | 291 | 0.16 | 8 min |
| #2 | Triggernuts | 265 | 0.09 | 5 min |
| #3 | LalaGtr | 174 | 0.05 | 4 min |
| #4 | NiCi | 42 | 0.07 | 1 min |
| #5 | Lemmiwinks | 25 | 0.04 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Triggernuts | +1.94 | 72 | 46 |
| #2 | Staplerfahrer Klausi | +1.64 | 75 | 62 |
| #3 | Slivz | +1.54 | 48 | 53 |
| #4 | NiCi | +0.74 | 54 | 43 |
| #5 | LalaGtr | -0.38 | 69 | 55 |





