








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 5 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September
The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 339 matches | ||
| Faceit | 11 matches | ||
| Wingman | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




21 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
4080 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 10,147 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 3698 | 36% |
| Smokes | 762 | 8% |
| HE Grenades | 2853 | 28% |
| Molotovs | 2834 | 28% |
Our logs show you have wasted $833,596 of utility $102 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 0 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | EK | 56% | 25 |
| #2 | mds | 56% | 36 |
| #3 | NibNob | 49% | 53 |
| #4 | Jamie | 48% | 79 |
| #5 | SlappedShot | 47% | 107 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #3 | NibNob | 49% | 53 |
| #4 | Jamie | 48% | 79 |
| #5 | SlappedShot | 47% | 107 |
| #6 | DiV1NiTY | 45% | 20 |
| #7 | RAMBOOZLER | 44% | 55 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | SlappedShot | 9 | 0.0041 |
| #2 | RAMBOOZLER | 8 | 0.0070 |
| #3 | Jamie | 7 | 0.0042 |
| #4 | NibNob | 6 | 0.0053 |
| #5 | mds | 4 | 0.0054 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | SlappedShot | 324 | 0.15 | 9 min |
| #2 | NibNob | 252 | 0.22 | 6 min |
| #3 | Jamie | 231 | 0.14 | 7 min |
| #4 | RAMBOOZLER | 139 | 0.12 | 3 min |
| #5 | mds | 119 | 0.16 | 3 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | DiV1NiTY | +1.56 | 72 | 61 |
| #2 | SlappedShot | +1.38 | 69 | 55 |
| #3 | Jamie | +1.28 | 62 | 67 |
| #4 | mds | +0.77 | 78 | 60 |
| #5 | FaNaaTiC | +0.39 | 88 | 56 |





