








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 1582 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 674 matches | ||
| Faceit | 127 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 70 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 49 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 42 matches | ||
| Wingman | 34 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 30 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 28 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 23 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Basalt | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Agency | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 2 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 17 different maps





Our logs show 43 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




161 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
12787 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 37,077 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 9428 | 25% |
| Smokes | 11060 | 30% |
| HE Grenades | 9428 | 25% |
| Molotovs | 7161 | 19% |
Our logs show you have wasted $3,273,082 of utility $134 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 3366 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | milk | 50% | 197 |
| #2 | Coochiemaru™ | 49% | 65 |
| #3 | Apothecarious | 49% | 70 |
| #4 | FaNaaTiC | 48% | 79 |
| #5 | Lazermonkey | 47% | 73 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #3 | Apothecarious | 49% | 70 |
| #4 | FaNaaTiC | 48% | 79 |
| #5 | Lazermonkey | 47% | 73 |
| #6 | Tovr | 45% | 71 |
| #7 | Toaster | 41% | 87 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Lazermonkey | 20 | 0.0132 |
| #2 | Toaster | 14 | 0.0077 |
| #3 | milk | 12 | 0.0029 |
| #4 | Tovr | 4 | 0.0027 |
| #5 | Apothecarious | 3 | 0.0020 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | milk | 415 | 0.10 | 9 min |
| #2 | Apothecarious | 277 | 0.18 | 7 min |
| #3 | FaNaaTiC | 275 | 0.16 | 7 min |
| #4 | Coochiemaru™ | 270 | 0.19 | 6 min |
| #5 | Tovr | 259 | 0.17 | 6 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Jamie | +1.71 | 65 | 62 |
| #2 | Apothecarious | +0.75 | 63 | 72 |
| #3 | Tovr | +0.57 | 59 | 69 |
| #4 | Toaster | -0.19 | 50 | 50 |
| #5 | milk | -0.27 | 56 | 52 |





