








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 1014 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 544 matches | ||
| Wingman | 94 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 29 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 25 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 13 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 13 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 12 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 8 matches | ||
| Faceit | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Italy | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Basalt | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Agency | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Golden | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 24 different maps





Our logs show 22 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




126 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
9963 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 11,508 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2198 | 19% |
| Smokes | 2845 | 25% |
| HE Grenades | 3886 | 34% |
| Molotovs | 2579 | 22% |
Our logs show you have wasted $5,000,598 of utility $294 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 1843 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Goomba | 63% | 82 |
| #2 | The Bricc | 59% | 76 |
| #3 | the hell? | 53% | 276 |
| #4 | Killer Fish | 49% | 57 |
| #5 | Wavier | 49% | 100 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | the hell? | 19 | 0.0034 |
| #2 | Goomba | 18 | 0.0110 |
| #3 | Japanese Fingerman | 13 | 0.0100 |
| #4 | The Bricc | 12 | 0.0082 |
| #5 | Wavier | 7 | 0.0036 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | the hell? | 400 | 0.07 | 9 min |
| #2 | Killer Fish | 300 | 0.26 | 7 min |
| #3 | Japanese Fingerman | 128 | 0.10 | 4 min |
| #4 | Wavier | 120 | 0.06 | 3 min |
| #5 | Goomba | 92 | 0.06 | 2 min |





