








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 171 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September



The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 111 matches | ||
| Wingman | 23 matches | ||
| Faceit | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 12 different maps





Our logs show 10 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




3 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1425 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 2,928 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 443 | 15% |
| Smokes | 665 | 23% |
| HE Grenades | 1058 | 36% |
| Molotovs | 762 | 26% |
Our logs show you have wasted $519,845 of utility $141 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 83 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Ricky Gervais | 46% | 74 |
| #2 | Dirty Dan | 42% | 108 |
| #3 | McQuefton | 40% | 45 |
| #4 | JoeFamilyGuy | 40% | 80 |
| #5 | Cat | 38% | 29 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Ricky Gervais | 46% | 74 |
| #2 | Dirty Dan | 42% | 108 |
| #3 | McQuefton | 40% | 45 |
| #4 | JoeFamilyGuy | 40% | 80 |
| #5 | Cat | 38% | 29 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Ricky Gervais | 4 | 0.0026 |
| #2 | Dirty Dan | 3 | 0.0014 |
| #3 | JoeFamilyGuy | 3 | 0.0019 |
| #4 | McQuefton | 1 | 0.0011 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Dirty Dan | 282 | 0.13 | 5 min |
| #2 | Ricky Gervais | 70 | 0.05 | 2 min |
| #3 | Cat | 61 | 0.10 | 1 min |
| #4 | JoeFamilyGuy | 50 | 0.03 | 1 min |
| #5 | McQuefton | 35 | 0.04 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Lil buzzed | +0.91 | 62 | 42 |
| #2 | Ricky Gervais | +0.36 | 56 | 39 |
| #3 | JoeFamilyGuy | -1.19 | 63 | 38 |
| #4 | Dirty Dan | -1.35 | 63 | 49 |
| #5 | McQuefton | -1.53 | 59 | 53 |





