








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 425 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 326 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show 20 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




11 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2622 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 7,894 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1445 | 18% |
| Smokes | 2391 | 30% |
| HE Grenades | 2346 | 30% |
| Molotovs | 1712 | 22% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,430,719 of utility $186 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 132 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Cat | 55% | 101 |
| #2 | Dirty Dan | 52% | 302 |
| #3 | Ricky Gervais | 51% | 190 |
| #4 | JoeFamilyGuy | 49% | 174 |
| #5 | Lil buzzed | 40% | 45 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Cat | 55% | 101 |
| #2 | Dirty Dan | 52% | 302 |
| #3 | Ricky Gervais | 51% | 190 |
| #4 | JoeFamilyGuy | 49% | 174 |
| #5 | Lil buzzed | 40% | 45 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Ricky Gervais | 18 | 0.0047 |
| #2 | Dirty Dan | 10 | 0.0016 |
| #3 | JoeFamilyGuy | 7 | 0.0020 |
| #4 | Cat | 1 | 0.0005 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Dirty Dan | 877 | 0.14 | 15 min |
| #2 | Ricky Gervais | 224 | 0.06 | 5 min |
| #3 | Cat | 221 | 0.11 | 4 min |
| #4 | JoeFamilyGuy | 132 | 0.04 | 3 min |
| #5 | Lil buzzed | 31 | 0.03 | 0 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Ricky Gervais | +1.02 | 55 | 42 |
| #2 | JoeFamilyGuy | +0.34 | 62 | 36 |
| #3 | Lil buzzed | +0.22 | 62 | 35 |
| #4 | Dirty Dan | -0.21 | 67 | 48 |
| #5 | McQuefton | -0.24 | 53 | 48 |





