








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 15 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September
The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Mirage | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show 2 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




2 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
339 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 1,679 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 642 | 38% |
| Smokes | 542 | 32% |
| HE Grenades | 288 | 17% |
| Molotovs | 207 | 12% |
Our logs show you have wasted $69,558 of utility $76 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 0 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | justeat | 55% | 22 |
| #2 | jqmz | 52% | 31 |
| #3 | ketchup4sale | 50% | 4 |
| #4 | Bat | 50% | 4 |
| #5 | hasidei umot haolam | 46% | 28 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #7 | wicked fademan | 40% | 10 |
| #8 | patrick bassman | 35% | 17 |
| #9 | ninjamasterdave | 33% | 3 |
| #10 | Luke | 33% | 3 |
| #11 | Garfael the sexy cat | 33% | 3 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | jqmz | 4 | 0.0066 |
| #2 | hasidei umot haolam | 3 | 0.0055 |
| #3 | justeat | 3 | 0.0073 |
| #4 | BOBR | 1 | 0.0027 |
| #5 | ketchup4sale | 1 | 0.0125 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | BOBR | 101 | 0.27 | 3 min |
| #2 | jqmz | 92 | 0.15 | 3 min |
| #3 | justeat | 64 | 0.16 | 1 min |
| #4 | hasidei umot haolam | 59 | 0.11 | 1 min |
| #5 | patrick bassman | 26 | 0.08 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | jqmz | +6.02 | 88 | 63 |
| #2 | Luke | +4.79 | 67 | 54 |
| #3 | BOBR | +2.70 | 69 | 52 |
| #4 | justeat | -0.18 | 51 | 40 |
| #5 | hasidei umot haolam | -0.82 | 68 | 42 |





