








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 238 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 176 matches | ||
| Wingman | 16 matches | ||
| Faceit | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Italy | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 16 different maps





Our logs show 7 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




15 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1893 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 2,724 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 519 | 19% |
| Smokes | 882 | 32% |
| HE Grenades | 684 | 25% |
| Molotovs | 639 | 23% |
Our logs show you have wasted $911,237 of utility $172 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 468 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Massive Mory | 44% | 151 |
| 43% | 122 | ||
| #3 | themansandwitch | 43% | 94 |
| #4 | reck | 40% | 25 |
| #5 | GabeDeDryNoodle | 38% | 29 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #3 | themansandwitch | 43% | 94 |
| #4 | reck | 40% | 25 |
| #5 | GabeDeDryNoodle | 38% | 29 |
| #6 | ANDALOPE | 37% | 27 |
| #7 | not froggie | 24% | 17 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| 59 | 0.0218 | ||
| #2 | Massive Mory | 30 | 0.0091 |
| #3 | themansandwitch | 25 | 0.0125 |
| #4 | GabeDeDryNoodle | 2 | 0.0034 |
| #5 | reck | 1 | 0.0018 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| 354 | 0.13 | 7 min | ||
| #2 | Massive Mory | 299 | 0.09 | 7 min |
| #3 | themansandwitch | 146 | 0.07 | 3 min |
| #4 | reck | 142 | 0.25 | 3 min |
| #5 | GabeDeDryNoodle | 98 | 0.17 | 3 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Massive Mory | +3.24 | 64 | 62 |
| #2 | reck | +0.62 | 66 | 49 |
| #3 | ANDALOPE | +0.52 | 78 | 40 |
| -0.08 | 78 | 51 | ||
| #5 | not froggie | -0.99 | 57 | 67 |





