








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 827 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 316 matches | ||
| Wingman | 289 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 121 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 99 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 82 matches | ||
| Faceit | 37 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 31 matches | ||
| Competitive Agency | 28 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 24 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 23 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 13 matches | ||
| Competitive Italy | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Basalt | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 18 different maps





Our logs show 38 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




126 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
9148 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 35,468 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 13175 | 37% |
| Smokes | 8939 | 25% |
| HE Grenades | 11209 | 32% |
| Molotovs | 2145 | 6% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,908,124 of utility $88 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 2631 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #4 | HEISENBERG | 53% | 109 |
| #5 | Jöns Håkansson från Bemanab | 53% | 198 |
| #6 | Touring Liam | 53% | 254 |
| #7 | Country Toad | 43% | 61 |
| #8 | totally spies | 42% | 67 |





