








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 65 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 30 matches | ||
| Faceit | 15 matches | ||
| Competitive Agency | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 6 matches | ||
| Wingman | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Jura | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 16 different maps





Our logs show 23 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




11 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
968 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 1,067 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 154 | 14% |
| Smokes | 229 | 21% |
| HE Grenades | 257 | 24% |
| Molotovs | 427 | 40% |
Our logs show you have wasted $221,275 of utility $81 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 135 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | AC | 57% | 30 |
| #2 | zzzzzzzzz FF already... | 54% | 28 |
| #3 | kevinxu9595 | 50% | 10 |
| #4 | 熟普洱们 Haber | 50% | 12 |
| #5 | Mikel | 48% | 33 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Mikel | 1 | 0.0016 |
| #2 | aimbridge.skelet man | 1 | 0.0016 |
| #3 | Cameron | 1 | 0.0032 |
| #4 | 熟普洱们 Haber | 1 | 0.0037 |





