








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 87 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 80 matches | ||
| Premier | 18 matches | ||
| Wingman | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 10 different maps





Our logs show 27 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




2 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1459 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 3,665 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 773 | 21% |
| Smokes | 805 | 22% |
| HE Grenades | 1236 | 34% |
| Molotovs | 851 | 23% |
Our logs show you have wasted $619,916 of utility $203 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 86 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | roamin | 82% | 11 |
| #2 | raiden | 80% | 40 |
| #3 | PentoXx | 78% | 9 |
| #4 | Icy | 72% | 32 |
| #5 | Laesche | 68% | 100 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #10 | dannyabcro | 60% | 52 |
| #11 | GoaTb | 59% | 39 |
| #12 | wotah. | 56% | 9 |
| #13 | Mariolin | 56% | 9 |
| #14 | Don Huby | 46% | 13 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Laesche | 2 | 0.0010 |
| #2 | ShebX | 2 | 0.0014 |
| #3 | Floeffel | 1 | 0.0005 |
| #4 | dannyabcro | 1 | 0.0010 |
| #5 | GoaTb | 1 | 0.0012 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ShebX | 306 | 0.21 | 10 min |
| #2 | Floeffel | 175 | 0.10 | 5 min |
| #3 | dannyabcro | 161 | 0.15 | 5 min |
| #4 | Laesche | 103 | 0.05 | 2 min |
| #5 | Icy | 92 | 0.13 | 2 min |





