








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 17 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September
The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Inferno | 19 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 19 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 2 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 10 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




20 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
341 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 965 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 77 | 8% |
| Smokes | 39 | 4% |
| HE Grenades | 230 | 24% |
| Molotovs | 619 | 64% |
Our logs show you have wasted $17,593 of utility $10 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 2 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | $Mega Mitochondria Memphis$ | 53% | 45 |
| #2 | $Billy Billion$ | 50% | 42 |
| #3 | Jesse | 44% | 9 |
| #4 | $Easton Escrow$ | 38% | 13 |
| #5 | NxtLvlStupid | 38% | 40 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #2 | $Billy Billion$ | 50% | 42 |
| #3 | Jesse | 44% | 9 |
| #4 | $Easton Escrow$ | 38% | 13 |
| #5 | NxtLvlStupid | 38% | 40 |
| #6 | $Ţrum♠ŋ 1ø stax$ | 29% | 7 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | $Mega Mitochondria Memphis$ | 10 | 0.0113 |
| #2 | NxtLvlStupid | 9 | 0.0117 |
| #3 | $Billy Billion$ | 6 | 0.0073 |
| #4 | Jesse | 5 | 0.0287 |
| #5 | $Easton Escrow$ | 2 | 0.0085 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | $Mega Mitochondria Memphis$ | 121 | 0.14 | 2 min |
| #2 | Jesse | 45 | 0.26 | 0 min |
| #3 | $Billy Billion$ | 21 | 0.03 | 0 min |
| #4 | NxtLvlStupid | 17 | 0.02 | 0 min |
| #5 | $Ţrum♠ŋ 1ø stax$ | 13 | 0.10 | 0 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | $Ţrum♠ŋ 1ø stax$ | +5.82 | 81 | 44 |
| #2 | $Billy Billion$ | +3.38 | 73 | 30 |
| #3 | $Easton Escrow$ | +3.34 | 67 | 51 |
| #4 | Jesse | +2.22 | 79 | 9 |
| #5 | $Mega Mitochondria Memphis$ | -0.55 | 52 | 58 |





