








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 26 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 41 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 24 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 12 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 2 matches | ||
| Faceit | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 10 different maps





Our logs show 2 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




22 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1603 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 1,748 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 617 | 35% |
| Smokes | 96 | 5% |
| HE Grenades | 764 | 44% |
| Molotovs | 271 | 16% |
Our logs show you have wasted $25,438 of utility $9 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 34 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Big Truck | 58% | 12 |
| #2 | $Mega Mitochondria Memphis$ | 52% | 67 |
| #3 | $Easton Escrow$ | 50% | 28 |
| #4 | NxtLvlStupid | 45% | 42 |
| #5 | $Conner Cash$ | 44% | 9 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #3 | $Easton Escrow$ | 50% | 28 |
| #4 | NxtLvlStupid | 45% | 42 |
| #5 | $Conner Cash$ | 44% | 9 |
| #6 | $Ţrum♠ŋ 1ø stax$ | 43% | 23 |
| #7 | $Billy Billion$ | 33% | 27 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | $Mega Mitochondria Memphis$ | 12 | 0.0090 |
| #2 | NxtLvlStupid | 4 | 0.0049 |
| #3 | $Easton Escrow$ | 3 | 0.0055 |
| #4 | $Ţrum♠ŋ 1ø stax$ | 3 | 0.0069 |
| #5 | $Billy Billion$ | 2 | 0.0038 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | $Mega Mitochondria Memphis$ | 182 | 0.14 | 4 min |
| #2 | $Easton Escrow$ | 52 | 0.10 | 1 min |
| #3 | $Ţrum♠ŋ 1ø stax$ | 36 | 0.08 | 1 min |
| #4 | $Conner Cash$ | 21 | 0.12 | 0 min |
| #5 | Big Truck | 16 | 0.07 | 0 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Jesse | +2.69 | 88 | 32 |
| #2 | $Billy Billion$ | +1.37 | 62 | 20 |
| #3 | $Easton Escrow$ | -0.10 | 62 | 34 |
| #4 | Big Truck | -0.91 | 36 | 51 |
| #5 | NxtLvlStupid | -1.12 | 52 | 14 |





