








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 73 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 165 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 88 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 56 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 55 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 42 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 36 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 23 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 17 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 16 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 15 matches | ||
| Faceit | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Grail | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 15 different maps





Our logs show 154 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




61 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
4613 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 2,401 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 684 | 28% |
| Smokes | 75 | 3% |
| HE Grenades | 850 | 35% |
| Molotovs | 792 | 33% |
Our logs show you have wasted $417,265 of utility $36 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 139 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | REDguffy7 | 63% | 32 |
| #2 | $Easton Escrow$ | 51% | 209 |
| #3 | $Billy Billion$ | 50% | 222 |
| #4 | $Mega Mitochondria Memphis$ | 50% | 433 |
| #5 | macklemore thrift shopping | 50% | 32 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #6 | Big Truck | 48% | 64 |
| #7 | Gunslinger Shirnish | 48% | 29 |
| #8 | Jesse | 45% | 42 |
| #9 | $Conner Cash$ | 38% | 40 |
| #10 | $Ţrum♠ŋ 1ø stax$ | 33% | 42 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | $Mega Mitochondria Memphis$ | 56 | 0.0065 |
| #2 | $Billy Billion$ | 25 | 0.0057 |
| #3 | $Easton Escrow$ | 23 | 0.0054 |
| #4 | $Conner Cash$ | 17 | 0.0223 |
| #5 | macklemore thrift shopping | 14 | 0.0220 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | $Mega Mitochondria Memphis$ | 944 | 0.11 | 20 min |
| #2 | $Easton Escrow$ | 339 | 0.08 | 8 min |
| #3 | Jesse | 108 | 0.13 | 1 min |
| #4 | Big Truck | 94 | 0.08 | 2 min |
| #5 | $Ţrum♠ŋ 1ø stax$ | 80 | 0.10 | 2 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Jesse | +3.90 | 87 | 29 |
| #2 | macklemore thrift shopping | +3.38 | 70 | 29 |
| #3 | REDguffy7 | +2.54 | 65 | 45 |
| #4 | $Billy Billion$ | +2.52 | 64 | 26 |
| #5 | $Easton Escrow$ | +1.75 | 66 | 45 |





