








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 84 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show 3 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




2 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
647 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 1,809 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 318 | 18% |
| Smokes | 578 | 32% |
| HE Grenades | 470 | 26% |
| Molotovs | 443 | 24% |
Our logs show you have wasted $163,921 of utility $129 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 77 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Komisk stor støvel | 62% | 13 |
| #2 | Tusjmeister | 58% | 19 |
| #3 | Alfons Åberg | 58% | 19 |
| #4 | gnaus | 57% | 14 |
| #5 | Bærrern | 52% | 25 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Smokey | 7 | 0.0142 |
| #2 | Bærrern | 2 | 0.0038 |
| #3 | Lloydern | 2 | 0.0039 |
| #4 | Alfons Åberg | 1 | 0.0025 |
| #5 | Komisk stor støvel | 1 | 0.0036 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Lloydern | 97 | 0.19 | 2 min |
| #2 | Smokey | 73 | 0.15 | 2 min |
| #3 | Bærrern | 72 | 0.14 | 2 min |
| #4 | Komisk stor støvel | 60 | 0.21 | 1 min |
| #5 | gnaus | 36 | 0.12 | 1 min |





