








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 248 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 126 matches | ||
| Esplay | 13 matches | 2,064 | |
| Wingman | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 8 different maps





Our logs show 21 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




2 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1622 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 4,801 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1153 | 24% |
| Smokes | 1347 | 28% |
| HE Grenades | 1178 | 25% |
| Molotovs | 1123 | 23% |
Our logs show you have wasted $398,310 of utility $127 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 298 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Rhys | 74% | 19 |
| #2 | Lear | 63% | 8 |
| #3 | @CRMJ | 58% | 26 |
| #4 | L'Erkaa | 50% | 12 |
| #5 | ChrisB | 50% | 14 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Pilsner | 173 | 0.21 | 5 min |
| #2 | para | 110 | 0.08 | 3 min |
| #3 | ChrisB | 59 | 0.22 | 2 min |
| #4 | Rhys | 51 | 0.13 | 1 min |
| #5 | @CRMJ | 50 | 0.09 | 1 min |





