








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 8 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September
The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 54 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 34 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 16 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Italy | 3 matches | ||
| Wingman | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Basalt | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Office | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 14 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




26 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1765 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 4,758 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1265 | 27% |
| Smokes | 1367 | 29% |
| HE Grenades | 1158 | 24% |
| Molotovs | 968 | 20% |
Our logs show you have wasted $272,290 of utility $88 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 2 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #15 | KARMA | 60% | 10 |
| #16 | Zenvowo | 56% | 16 |
| #17 | Thinking | 55% | 31 |
| #18 | iab | 53% | 19 |
| #19 | 이종원부친기대수명3년 | 46% | 13 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | .MAKI. | 12 | 0.0201 |
| #2 | Thinking | 11 | 0.0201 |
| #3 | taetto | 6 | 0.0062 |
| #4 | 蔚山自由人^SMDX电竞 | 3 | 0.0031 |
| #5 | Devil | 3 | 0.0053 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | 蔚山自由人^SMDX电竞 | 86 | 0.09 | 1 min |
| #2 | 이종원부친기대수명3년 | 65 | 0.28 | 1 min |
| #3 | taetto | 64 | 0.07 | 1 min |
| #4 | Devil | 44 | 0.08 | 1 min |
| #5 | boy | 37 | 0.06 | 1 min |





