








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 1863 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Dust2 | 239 matches | ||
| Premier | 234 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 193 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 142 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 78 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 65 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 61 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 53 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 20 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 2 matches | ||
| Wingman | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Golden | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Grail | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 17 different maps





Our logs show 152 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




120 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
12758 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 44,426 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 17607 | 40% |
| Smokes | 10943 | 25% |
| HE Grenades | 9148 | 21% |
| Molotovs | 6728 | 15% |
Our logs show you have wasted $2,658,879 of utility $113 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 697 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Ephemeral | 52% | 83 |
| #2 | Emo Punk Bi Girl | 51% | 78 |
| #3 | lagging | 49% | 282 |
| #4 | sleesh | 45% | 468 |
| #5 | Ansarith | 41% | 201 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Ephemeral | 52% | 83 |
| #2 | Emo Punk Bi Girl | 51% | 78 |
| #3 | lagging | 49% | 282 |
| #4 | sleesh | 45% | 468 |
| #5 | Ansarith | 41% | 201 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | lagging | 181 | 0.0316 |
| #2 | sleesh | 85 | 0.0090 |
| #3 | Ansarith | 40 | 0.0099 |
| #4 | Emo Punk Bi Girl | 11 | 0.0069 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | sleesh | 1091 | 0.12 | 24 min |
| #2 | lagging | 944 | 0.17 | 20 min |
| #3 | Ansarith | 508 | 0.13 | 12 min |
| #4 | Emo Punk Bi Girl | 203 | 0.13 | 4 min |
| #5 | Ephemeral | 50 | 0.03 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | lagging | +3.06 | 74 | 55 |
| #2 | zoomin | +1.11 | 60 | 73 |
| #3 | Ephemeral | +0.16 | 40 | 13 |
| #4 | Emo Punk Bi Girl | -1.00 | 42 | 47 |
| #5 | sleesh | -2.11 | 34 | 44 |





