








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 254 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 190 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 108 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 76 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 48 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 35 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 33 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 33 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 22 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Italy | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 2 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 12 different maps





Our logs show 54 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




95 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
4846 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 13,771 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 3950 | 29% |
| Smokes | 3501 | 25% |
| HE Grenades | 4375 | 32% |
| Molotovs | 1945 | 14% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,566,079 of utility $124 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 2695 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | lagging | 47% | 191 |
| #2 | Ephemeral | 45% | 73 |
| #3 | zoomin | 45% | 468 |
| #4 | Ansarith | 41% | 228 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | lagging | 47% | 191 |
| #2 | Ephemeral | 45% | 73 |
| #3 | zoomin | 45% | 468 |
| #4 | Ansarith | 41% | 228 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | lagging | 144 | 0.0374 |
| #2 | zoomin | 59 | 0.0062 |
| #3 | Ansarith | 38 | 0.0081 |
| #4 | Ephemeral | 1 | 0.0006 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | zoomin | 1620 | 0.17 | 49 min |
| #2 | lagging | 664 | 0.17 | 14 min |
| #3 | Ansarith | 523 | 0.11 | 12 min |
| #4 | Ephemeral | 29 | 0.02 | 0 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | lagging | +3.39 | 75 | 54 |
| #2 | zoomin | +2.18 | 64 | 74 |
| #3 | Ephemeral | -0.68 | 39 | 12 |
| #4 | sleesh | -1.52 | 37 | 46 |
| #5 | Ansarith | -2.50 | 43 | 54 |





