








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 35 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September



The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 142 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 40 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 24 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 15 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 13 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 12 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 4 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 10 different maps





Our logs show 62 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




54 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2310 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 9,879 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2956 | 30% |
| Smokes | 1816 | 18% |
| HE Grenades | 3495 | 35% |
| Molotovs | 1612 | 16% |
Our logs show you have wasted $724,927 of utility $107 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 1800 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Ephemeral | 50% | 103 |
| #2 | lagging | 47% | 59 |
| #3 | zoomin | 41% | 201 |
| #4 | sleesh | 41% | 228 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Ephemeral | 50% | 103 |
| #2 | lagging | 47% | 59 |
| #3 | zoomin | 41% | 201 |
| #4 | sleesh | 41% | 228 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | lagging | 47 | 0.0402 |
| #2 | sleesh | 40 | 0.0085 |
| #3 | zoomin | 26 | 0.0064 |
| #4 | Ephemeral | 2 | 0.0009 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | zoomin | 704 | 0.17 | 22 min |
| #2 | sleesh | 484 | 0.10 | 11 min |
| #3 | lagging | 199 | 0.17 | 4 min |
| #4 | Ephemeral | 54 | 0.02 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | lagging | +4.22 | 79 | 50 |
| #2 | zoomin | +2.32 | 61 | 74 |
| #3 | Ephemeral | -0.40 | 41 | 14 |
| #4 | sleesh | -0.84 | 39 | 47 |
| #5 | Ansarith | -2.40 | 40 | 55 |





