








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 213 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September


The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Wingman | 15 matches | ||
| Competitive Italy | 14 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Agency | 5 matches | ||
| Premier | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Basalt | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 17 different maps





Our logs show 8 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




10 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
507 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 2,279 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 784 | 34% |
| Smokes | 789 | 35% |
| HE Grenades | 339 | 15% |
| Molotovs | 367 | 16% |
Our logs show you have wasted $486,713 of utility $179 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 3 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | JSmile ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ | 67% | 21 |
| #2 | Joey Shmeeler | 54% | 69 |
| #3 | Lorkin | 53% | 68 |
| #4 | Bicus Dicus De Bicus De Dicus | 47% | 75 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | JSmile ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ | 67% | 21 |
| #2 | Joey Shmeeler | 54% | 69 |
| #3 | Lorkin | 53% | 68 |
| #4 | Bicus Dicus De Bicus De Dicus | 47% | 75 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Bicus Dicus De Bicus De Dicus | 28 | 0.0186 |
| #2 | Joey Shmeeler | 22 | 0.0160 |
| #3 | Lorkin | 5 | 0.0036 |
| #4 | JSmile ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ | 3 | 0.0076 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Bicus Dicus De Bicus De Dicus | 316 | 0.21 | 7 min |
| #2 | Lorkin | 155 | 0.11 | 4 min |
| #3 | JSmile ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ | 64 | 0.16 | 2 min |
| #4 | Joey Shmeeler | 55 | 0.04 | 0 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | JSmile ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ | +4.98 | 79 | 64 |
| #2 | Bicus Dicus De Bicus De Dicus | +2.80 | 81 | 62 |
| #3 | Lorkin | +2.51 | 89 | 61 |
| #4 | Joey Shmeeler | +2.04 | 82 | 35 |
| #5 | Ayashiro | -5.79 | 15 | 41 |





