








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 185 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September



The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 193 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 106 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 73 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 30 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 12 different maps





Our logs show 1 Chicken Has been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




15 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2765 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 3,132 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 629 | 20% |
| Smokes | 980 | 31% |
| HE Grenades | 551 | 18% |
| Molotovs | 972 | 31% |
Our logs show you have wasted $473,978 of utility $47 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 582 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | audum | 27 | 0.0245 |
| #2 | piss yourself <3 | 24 | 0.0084 |
| #3 | self sacktualization achieved | 13 | 0.0045 |
| #4 | friend | 13 | 0.0107 |
| #5 | ⛧𝖂𝖎𝖓𝖙𝖊𝖗⛧ | 12 | 0.0034 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | self sacktualization achieved | 321 | 0.11 | 5 min |
| #2 | friend | 196 | 0.16 | 4 min |
| #3 | ⛧𝖂𝖎𝖓𝖙𝖊𝖗⛧ | 82 | 0.02 | 2 min |
| #4 | Jesixxx | 74 | 0.12 | 2 min |
| #5 | piss yourself <3 | 60 | 0.02 | 1 min |





