








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 12 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 14 matches | ||
| Faceit | 9 matches | ||
| Wingman | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show 1 Chicken Has been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




6 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
444 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 1,820 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 306 | 17% |
| Smokes | 520 | 29% |
| HE Grenades | 509 | 28% |
| Molotovs | 485 | 27% |
Our logs show you have wasted $160,482 of utility $130 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 1 message into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #8 | onni^ | 43% | 7 |
| #9 | Nipa | 40% | 10 |
| #10 | KEIJO | 40% | 25 |
| #11 | waltsu | 38% | 8 |
| #12 | Ket Raitti | 33% | 6 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | waltsu | 5 | 0.0299 |
| #2 | xCrystal99 | 3 | 0.0031 |
| #3 | Nipa | 3 | 0.0164 |
| #4 | dasz | 2 | 0.0167 |
| #5 | KEIJO | 1 | 0.0021 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | xCrystal99 | 253 | 0.26 | 7 min |
| #2 | KEIJO | 169 | 0.36 | 4 min |
| #3 | BEET | 83 | 0.23 | 2 min |
| #4 | waltsu | 31 | 0.19 | 1 min |
| #5 | rxni | 28 | 0.28 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | rxni | +6.99 | 63 | 65 |
| #2 | dasz | +4.76 | 86 | 60 |
| #3 | SexyJuba | +4.67 | 57 | 55 |
| #4 | onni^ | +3.82 | 85 | 66 |
| #5 | waltsu | +3.37 | 93 | 65 |





