








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 394 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 213 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 111 matches | ||
| Wingman | 87 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Jura | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 16 different maps





Our logs show 9 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




73 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
3388 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 4,668 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1018 | 22% |
| Smokes | 1245 | 27% |
| HE Grenades | 1347 | 29% |
| Molotovs | 1058 | 23% |
Our logs show you have wasted $226,282 of utility $23 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 186 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Esoteric Scholar | 59% | 64 |
| #2 | Joe Momma | 48% | 61 |
| #3 | Rand al'Thor | 43% | 30 |
| #4 | madarauchihattv | 42% | 81 |
| #5 | Osama Been Ballin | 39% | 28 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #4 | madarauchihattv | 42% | 81 |
| #5 | Osama Been Ballin | 39% | 28 |
| #6 | Pancake | 39% | 296 |
| #7 | dickdog industries🐶 | 33% | 27 |
| #8 | 1M4CR4CKH34D | 25% | 28 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Pancake | 39 | 0.0071 |
| #2 | madarauchihattv | 17 | 0.0103 |
| #3 | Osama Been Ballin | 8 | 0.0151 |
| #4 | Esoteric Scholar | 7 | 0.0062 |
| #5 | Joe Momma | 5 | 0.0041 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | madarauchihattv | 269 | 0.16 | 5 min |
| #2 | Pancake | 229 | 0.04 | 5 min |
| #3 | Esoteric Scholar | 199 | 0.18 | 4 min |
| #4 | Joe Momma | 81 | 0.07 | 2 min |
| #5 | Osama Been Ballin | 44 | 0.08 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Esoteric Scholar | +6.56 | 83 | 58 |
| #2 | madarauchihattv | +2.16 | 77 | 60 |
| #3 | IM BLACK | -0.15 | 52 | 31 |
| #4 | Pancake | -1.77 | 41 | 23 |
| #5 | Rand al'Thor | -2.34 | 17 | 15 |





