








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 5 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September
The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 120 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 16 different maps





Our logs show 19 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




3 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1658 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 5,616 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 928 | 17% |
| Smokes | 1820 | 32% |
| HE Grenades | 1648 | 29% |
| Molotovs | 1220 | 22% |
Our logs show you have wasted $604,613 of utility $141 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 107 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Paggen | 53% | 59 |
| #2 | TheTinyPandah | 51% | 59 |
| #3 | The Coffee Cup | 51% | 73 |
| #4 | Wicked | 46% | 39 |
| #5 | m0tch | 45% | 31 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #8 | Jack | 40% | 55 |
| #9 | I have Candy in my van | 39% | 18 |
| #10 | Prison Mike | 39% | 31 |
| #11 | Nafe. | 34% | 32 |
| #12 | James Bondage | 33% | 12 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | The Coffee Cup | 6 | 0.0041 |
| #2 | Stoner Jase | 5 | 0.0023 |
| #3 | TheTinyPandah | 4 | 0.0032 |
| #4 | Jack | 3 | 0.0026 |
| #5 | m0tch | 2 | 0.0030 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Stoner Jase | 156 | 0.07 | 4 min |
| #2 | The Coffee Cup | 127 | 0.09 | 3 min |
| #3 | TheTinyPandah | 125 | 0.10 | 3 min |
| #4 | Paggen | 91 | 0.08 | 3 min |
| #5 | m0tch | 90 | 0.14 | 3 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | TheTinyPandah | +3.73 | 79 | 45 |
| #2 | LoliCumDump | +1.97 | 73 | 50 |
| #3 | jibb xtra | +0.87 | 63 | 55 |
| #4 | Paggen | +0.39 | 59 | 51 |
| #5 | I have Candy in my van | +0.14 | 64 | 46 |





