








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 901 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Esplay | 117 matches | 1,665 | |
| Premier | 50 matches | ||
| Wingman | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 12 different maps





Our logs show 66 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




16 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2210 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 7,350 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1400 | 19% |
| Smokes | 2448 | 33% |
| HE Grenades | 1537 | 21% |
| Molotovs | 1965 | 27% |
Our logs show you have wasted $990,287 of utility $200 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 466 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Nico | 67% | 18 |
| #2 | b4tman | 58% | 19 |
| #3 | α΄α΄ssΚα΄α΄‘Κ α΄ΙͺΚα΄
α΄ | 57% | 21 |
| #4 | SleepY | 56% | 18 |
| #5 | de_andersson | 54% | 24 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | βTr1xAntβ | 311 | 0.12 | 9 min |
| #2 | Dahlberg | 213 | 0.07 | 4 min |
| #3 | de_andersson | 55 | 0.10 | 2 min |
| #4 | α΄α΄ssΚα΄α΄‘Κ α΄ΙͺΚα΄
α΄ | 42 | 0.09 | 1 min |
| #5 | b4tman | 36 | 0.09 | 1 min |





