








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 489 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Esplay | 99 matches | 1,512 | |
| Competitive Dust2 | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 10 different maps





Our logs show 49 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




1 of your human shaped victims was your teammate...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1011 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 3,248 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 540 | 17% |
| Smokes | 587 | 18% |
| HE Grenades | 1386 | 43% |
| Molotovs | 735 | 23% |
Our logs show you have wasted $707,821 of utility $275 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 92 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Vamper | 56% | 9 |
| #2 | πππ±π²π | 56% | 18 |
| #3 | Qoot | 54% | 13 |
| #4 | Dahlberg | 53% | 30 |
| #5 | Potatismoose | 52% | 23 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Juggen | 2 | 0.0020 |
| #2 | βTr1xAntβ | 1 | 0.0011 |
| #3 | Dahlberg | 1 | 0.0014 |
| #4 | πππ±π²π | 1 | 0.0023 |
| #5 | Qoot | 1 | 0.0036 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Juggen | 111 | 0.11 | 2 min |
| #2 | βTr1xAntβ | 95 | 0.10 | 3 min |
| #3 | Potatismoose | 59 | 0.12 | 1 min |
| #4 | Dahlberg | 56 | 0.08 | 1 min |
| #5 | πππ±π²π | 31 | 0.07 | 1 min |





