








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 183 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 46 matches | ||
| Premier | 26 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 15 matches | ||
| Wingman | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 11 different maps





Our logs show 11 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




7 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1276 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 4,317 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1336 | 31% |
| Smokes | 1090 | 25% |
| HE Grenades | 540 | 13% |
| Molotovs | 1351 | 31% |
Our logs show you have wasted $524,765 of utility $172 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 124 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | yer maws a bam | 60% | 10 |
| #2 | kamf | 56% | 16 |
| #3 | Luke | 56% | 73 |
| #4 | O'Chan | 56% | 68 |
| #5 | sCoutMan | 55% | 20 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #8 | Tomtastic | 46% | 35 |
| #9 | A1rz ʕっ•ᴥ•ʔっ | 45% | 20 |
| #10 | Cameron | 42% | 12 |
| #11 | Ulick | 38% | 16 |
| #12 | Mr. Lamp | 33% | 18 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Luke | 13 | 0.0084 |
| #2 | O'Chan | 12 | 0.0081 |
| #3 | A1rz ʕっ•ᴥ•ʔっ | 3 | 0.0071 |
| #4 | Mr. Lamp | 3 | 0.0075 |
| #5 | sCoutMan | 1 | 0.0024 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Luke | 258 | 0.17 | 8 min |
| #2 | Tomtastic | 167 | 0.22 | 5 min |
| #3 | O'Chan | 166 | 0.11 | 4 min |
| #4 | A1rz ʕっ•ᴥ•ʔっ | 122 | 0.29 | 3 min |
| #5 | kamf | 89 | 0.24 | 3 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | kyte | +2.62 | 64 | 73 |
| #2 | Tomtastic | +1.71 | 82 | 75 |
| #3 | kamf | +1.11 | 69 | 69 |
| #4 | O'Chan | +1.08 | 69 | 62 |
| #5 | Ulick | +0.79 | 71 | 67 |





