








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 17 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September
The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 34 matches | ||
| Faceit | 5 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 7 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




10 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
613 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 2,420 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 790 | 33% |
| Smokes | 517 | 21% |
| HE Grenades | 580 | 24% |
| Molotovs | 533 | 22% |
Our logs show you have wasted $67,440 of utility $64 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 7 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Tirf-S | 80% | 5 |
| #2 | Télépéage | 78% | 9 |
| #3 | TheAldorayne | 74% | 31 |
| #4 | Lt armEL | 70% | 10 |
| #5 | Mague RothQueu | 64% | 11 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #5 | Mague RothQueu | 64% | 11 |
| #6 | Le J. | 63% | 8 |
| #7 | LaGrosseMIte | 56% | 34 |
| #8 | Jeanne | 42% | 12 |
| #9 | Bouffeur d'anus | 17% | 6 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | LaGrosseMIte | 7 | 0.0102 |
| #2 | TheAldorayne | 2 | 0.0032 |
| #3 | Jeanne | 1 | 0.0039 |
| #4 | Lt armEL | 1 | 0.0050 |
| #5 | Télépéage | 1 | 0.0054 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | LaGrosseMIte | 48 | 0.07 | 1 min |
| #2 | Mague RothQueu | 30 | 0.14 | 1 min |
| #3 | Télépéage | 27 | 0.15 | 1 min |
| #4 | Lt armEL | 23 | 0.11 | 1 min |
| #5 | Le J. | 22 | 0.13 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Amandine du 38 | +2.84 | 91 | 81 |
| #2 | Télépéage | +2.45 | 59 | 78 |
| #3 | Lt armEL | +0.67 | 75 | 51 |
| #4 | Mague RothQueu | -0.88 | 56 | 66 |
| #5 | TheAldorayne | -1.40 | 46 | 31 |





