








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 839 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 274 matches | ||
| Faceit | 134 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 35 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 33 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 21 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 21 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 14 matches | ||
| Wingman | 13 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 13 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Basalt | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Jura | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Agency | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 17 different maps





Our logs show 6 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




145 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
7539 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 20,049 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 5776 | 29% |
| Smokes | 5740 | 29% |
| HE Grenades | 2864 | 14% |
| Molotovs | 5669 | 28% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,465,252 of utility $114 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 741 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | red bull guzzler | 81% | 36 |
| #2 | .......... | 75% | 44 |
| #3 | beasley | 75% | 51 |
| #4 | m i l o | 71% | 45 |
| #5 | poopyhead | 70% | 217 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #4 | m i l o | 71% | 45 |
| #5 | poopyhead | 70% | 217 |
| #6 | ava | 68% | 63 |
| #7 | doobatron | 65% | 222 |
| #8 | Stinza | 64% | 44 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | poopyhead | 27 | 0.0063 |
| #2 | doobatron | 19 | 0.0044 |
| #3 | ava | 7 | 0.0054 |
| #4 | red bull guzzler | 4 | 0.0053 |
| #5 | beasley | 3 | 0.0027 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | poopyhead | 764 | 0.18 | 19 min |
| #2 | doobatron | 272 | 0.06 | 8 min |
| #3 | m i l o | 229 | 0.24 | 5 min |
| #4 | ava | 199 | 0.15 | 5 min |
| #5 | beasley | 163 | 0.15 | 3 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | m i l o | +5.14 | 92 | 60 |
| #2 | duhpe | +2.47 | 90 | 60 |
| #3 | poopyhead | +2.23 | 78 | 60 |
| #4 | beasley | +1.80 | 77 | 68 |
| #5 | red bull guzzler | +1.80 | 79 | 56 |





