










System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 170 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 213 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 2 matches | ||
| Wingman | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Agency | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 10 different maps





Our logs show 1 Chicken Has been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




2 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2894 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 9,271 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 3103 | 33% |
| Smokes | 2807 | 30% |
| HE Grenades | 1329 | 14% |
| Molotovs | 2032 | 22% |
Our logs show you have wasted $513,784 of utility $105 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 105 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Wolffe | 73% | 33 |
| #2 | Keiti | 71% | 31 |
| #3 | Gavin | 69% | 13 |
| #4 | Cryptic | 65% | 17 |
| #5 | SLIGHT | 62% | 13 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #6 | JTMythic | 59% | 17 |
| #7 | hambooga | 58% | 33 |
| #8 | snav | 50% | 24 |
| #9 | Evan | 41% | 29 |
| #10 | dea | 36% | 14 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | snav | 2 | 0.0028 |
| #2 | Wolffe | 1 | 0.0012 |
| #3 | Keiti | 1 | 0.0012 |
| #4 | Evan | 1 | 0.0014 |
| #5 | SLIGHT | 1 | 0.0038 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Wolffe | 218 | 0.26 | 6 min |
| #2 | Keiti | 205 | 0.26 | 6 min |
| #3 | Evan | 116 | 0.16 | 3 min |
| #4 | snav | 103 | 0.14 | 2 min |
| #5 | hambooga | 94 | 0.14 | 2 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Keiti | +4.20 | 92 | 68 |
| #2 | Wolffe | +2.85 | 87 | 72 |
| #3 | dea | +2.79 | 86 | 62 |
| #4 | Gavin | +2.37 | 92 | 74 |
| #5 | Cryptic | +2.30 | 86 | 53 |





