








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 108 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September


The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 218 matches | ||
| Wingman | 19 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 2 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 11 different maps





Our logs show 10 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




38 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1519 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 4,141 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 588 | 14% |
| Smokes | 1278 | 31% |
| HE Grenades | 917 | 22% |
| Molotovs | 1358 | 33% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,137,948 of utility $186 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 177 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #7 | Cpt Babutz | 46% | 70 |
| #8 | Young X'ster | 43% | 65 |
| #9 | Cpt Bubatz | 41% | 17 |
| #10 | Alexander | 39% | 33 |
| #11 | Traplover | 33% | 45 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Lukas | 24 | 0.0059 |
| #2 | Young X'ster | 14 | 0.0110 |
| #3 | Obst | 13 | 0.0036 |
| #4 | Markus Delrow | 11 | 0.0057 |
| #5 | Traplover | 10 | 0.0113 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Lukas | 221 | 0.05 | 6 min |
| #2 | Obst | 204 | 0.06 | 5 min |
| #3 | Markus Delrow | 156 | 0.08 | 3 min |
| #4 | Züpfeklotscha | 104 | 0.07 | 3 min |
| #5 | Cpt Babutz | 103 | 0.08 | 2 min |





