








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 494 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 614 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Agency | 2 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 13 different maps





Our logs show 35 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




53 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
6140 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 20,381 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 5585 | 27% |
| Smokes | 4840 | 24% |
| HE Grenades | 5366 | 26% |
| Molotovs | 4590 | 23% |
Our logs show you have wasted $2,500,787 of utility $176 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 220 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #8 | Markus Delrow | 48% | 159 |
| #9 | Cpt Bubatz | 47% | 73 |
| #10 | Traplover | 45% | 120 |
| #11 | Young X'ster | 43% | 119 |
| #12 | King T | 43% | 103 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Lukas | 64 | 0.0050 |
| #2 | KimboSlice | 25 | 0.0069 |
| #3 | King T | 24 | 0.0114 |
| #4 | Markus Delrow | 23 | 0.0066 |
| #5 | Young X'ster | 23 | 0.0096 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Lukas | 687 | 0.05 | 18 min |
| #2 | Züpfeklotscha | 384 | 0.08 | 8 min |
| #3 | Markus Delrow | 244 | 0.07 | 6 min |
| #4 | Cpt Babutz | 220 | 0.06 | 5 min |
| #5 | Cpt Bubatz | 158 | 0.10 | 4 min |





