








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 354 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 173 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 8 different maps





Our logs show 7 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




30 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2351 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 5,743 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1235 | 22% |
| Smokes | 1595 | 28% |
| HE Grenades | 1595 | 28% |
| Molotovs | 1318 | 23% |
Our logs show you have wasted $890,261 of utility $181 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 243 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | LordMaddin | 50% | 16 |
| #2 | Züpfeklotscha | 49% | 79 |
| #3 | KimboSlice | 48% | 91 |
| #4 | Lukas | 48% | 129 |
| #5 | Obst | 48% | 159 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #8 | Traplover | 41% | 46 |
| #9 | Alexander | 41% | 27 |
| #10 | King T | 40% | 20 |
| #11 | Young X'ster | 39% | 23 |
| #12 | Cpt Bubatz | 39% | 23 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Obst | 223 | 0.06 | 5 min |
| #2 | Lukas | 164 | 0.06 | 4 min |
| #3 | Züpfeklotscha | 150 | 0.09 | 3 min |
| #4 | KimboSlice | 71 | 0.04 | 1 min |
| #5 | Cpt Babutz | 53 | 0.05 | 1 min |





