








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 246 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Ancient | 18 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 17 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 16 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 14 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 14 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 12 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 11 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Agency | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 15 different maps





Our logs show 11 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




8 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1315 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 3,783 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 709 | 19% |
| Smokes | 774 | 20% |
| HE Grenades | 1670 | 44% |
| Molotovs | 630 | 17% |
Our logs show you have wasted $809,920 of utility $227 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 36 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | @preston.a91 | 50% | 12 |
| #2 | weebsaucey | 45% | 58 |
| #3 | Zarr | 45% | 103 |
| #4 | XtremeDuncan | 43% | 77 |
| #5 | YellowMonkee | 42% | 143 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #7 | gRaMpS | 38% | 16 |
| #8 | Funny Monkey | 38% | 16 |
| #9 | DarkKarma | 36% | 11 |
| #10 | Shaggy | 29% | 17 |
| #11 | Bingus | 21% | 42 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | YellowMonkee | 32 | 0.0113 |
| #2 | Zarr | 25 | 0.0123 |
| #3 | XtremeDuncan | 21 | 0.0136 |
| #4 | chimp | 12 | 0.0056 |
| #5 | weebsaucey | 7 | 0.0063 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | YellowMonkee | 428 | 0.15 | 9 min |
| #2 | chimp | 324 | 0.15 | 8 min |
| #3 | XtremeDuncan | 277 | 0.18 | 8 min |
| #4 | Zarr | 120 | 0.06 | 3 min |
| #5 | weebsaucey | 118 | 0.11 | 3 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | XtremeDuncan | +1.51 | 59 | 70 |
| #2 | Zarr | +1.32 | 72 | 45 |
| #3 | Shaggy | +0.99 | 36 | 42 |
| #4 | Ryno | +0.96 | 58 | 50 |
| #5 | @preston.a91 | +0.78 | 37 | 35 |





