








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 70 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 166 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Office | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 11 different maps





Our logs show 1 Chicken Has been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




6 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1498 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 4,174 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 364 | 9% |
| Smokes | 553 | 13% |
| HE Grenades | 1784 | 43% |
| Molotovs | 1473 | 35% |
Our logs show you have wasted $74,089 of utility $17 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 8 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | projectdp | 67% | 18 |
| #2 | 🎃KiWi | 62% | 13 |
| #3 | tek | 60% | 20 |
| #4 | No Creativity | 56% | 18 |
| #5 | h3ndr1x | 52% | 25 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #10 | DumpDaddy | 45% | 55 |
| #11 | LlamaDrama | 45% | 20 |
| #12 | Pissboy, M.D. | 43% | 30 |
| #13 | Thunderpoos | 41% | 90 |
| #14 | Lynx | 35% | 17 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Thunderpoos | 16 | 0.0084 |
| #2 | Pissboy, M.D. | 8 | 0.0129 |
| #3 | DumpDaddy | 7 | 0.0058 |
| #4 | tek | 3 | 0.0066 |
| #5 | No Creativity | 2 | 0.0051 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Thunderpoos | 346 | 0.18 | 7 min |
| #2 | tek | 112 | 0.25 | 2 min |
| #3 | DumpDaddy | 73 | 0.06 | 2 min |
| #4 | Pissboy, M.D. | 38 | 0.06 | 1 min |
| #5 | h3ndr1x | 38 | 0.07 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | No Creativity | +2.92 | 53 | 46 |
| #2 | projectdp | +2.49 | 74 | 57 |
| #3 | LlamaDrama | +2.14 | 41 | 57 |
| #4 | h3ndr1x | +2.05 | 50 | 54 |
| #5 | tek | +1.66 | 72 | 71 |





