








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 943 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 422 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 83 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 78 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 69 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 64 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 61 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 60 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 54 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 50 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 43 matches | ||
| Competitive Jura | 28 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Palacio | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Golden | 3 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 14 different maps





Our logs show 54 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




9 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
9540 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 36,819 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 10603 | 29% |
| Smokes | 9264 | 25% |
| HE Grenades | 7425 | 20% |
| Molotovs | 9527 | 26% |
Our logs show you have wasted $4,157,527 of utility $186 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 443 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | illwill | 48% | 650 |
| #2 | MAG | 46% | 334 |
| #3 | Bobby Bottle Service | 45% | 182 |
| #4 | Kumquat III | 45% | 635 |
| #5 | WestAmwellWyatt | 42% | 233 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | illwill | 48% | 650 |
| #2 | MAG | 46% | 334 |
| #3 | Bobby Bottle Service | 45% | 182 |
| #4 | Kumquat III | 45% | 635 |
| #5 | WestAmwellWyatt | 42% | 233 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | illwill | 23 | 0.0017 |
| #2 | Kumquat III | 18 | 0.0014 |
| #3 | MAG | 10 | 0.0015 |
| #4 | Bobby Bottle Service | 9 | 0.0023 |
| #5 | WestAmwellWyatt | 3 | 0.0006 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | illwill | 2518 | 0.19 | 74 min |
| #2 | Kumquat III | 1806 | 0.14 | 44 min |
| #3 | Bobby Bottle Service | 739 | 0.19 | 21 min |
| #4 | MAG | 486 | 0.07 | 11 min |
| #5 | WestAmwellWyatt | 51 | 0.01 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Bobby Bottle Service | +2.67 | 64 | 69 |
| #2 | illwill | +2.53 | 67 | 70 |
| #3 | MAG | +0.00 | 59 | 53 |
| #4 | Mediocre | -0.41 | 69 | 61 |
| #5 | Kumquat III | -1.86 | 48 | 57 |





